Hello all...
I thought I would do another quick post and maybe start a new trend...
So my birthday was last weekend and I am happy to report that I actually had a great day!! This may not seem like such a big deal, but my two previous birthdays consisted of me barfing for 4 days, and getting broken up with via email. Happy to say that this year was fabulous!
There was a big party on the resort because we had an LPGA tournament going on... so Friday night I got to hang out with my friends, enjoy a few adult beverages, and dance until I couldn't dance any more! It was fun and fantastic! Then the next day my friend Megan came and picked me up and surprised me with a spa day! Well she had called my sister and my mom and arranged for the spa day to happen for me :) It was SO nice and relaxing! I got a massage and a facial and it was great to sit and relax and have a good day! Then we went and had drinks and appetizers (pupus!) with my sister and my friend Amanda.
I can honestly say it was the best birthday I have had in years!! Thanks Mommy and thanks Megan!!
Love you all and miss you terribly!!
Me
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
I am still alive... :)
Hello all of you out there in blog reader land...
I sure haven't written anyting in so long I'm sure a lot of you thought I had fallen off the island and into the ocean. Not true! I am still here. Let's see if I can recap some of what's been going on in my life.
Well the truth of the matter is... I've been not so happy for the past few months. I won't say unhappy because that is pretty hard to do while living in paradise. But I can admit to not being the happiest I have ever been. So what has been going on, you ask? I'll tell ya... or at least paraphrase.
When I moved to Maui, I think I was searching for something. Trying to make some sense out of my life and all of the things that had been thrown my way. For the first year that I lived here I somewhat ignored some of my "issues" and threw myself into the island and life here. I was doing so great that some of my "issues" naturally fell away and became unimportant. Ok ok so what are these mysterious "issues" I keep talking about? Well honestly my life has never felt like it is where it is supposed to be. I always feel like I am just around the next corner from my life being where I want it. Truth be told, whenever I round that next corner, whatever that may be, it just morphs into another hallway to walk and another corner to round. Does that even make any sense? What I'm trying to say is that I have always felt a bit lost and out of synch with where I want to be. So the first year in Maui I did a lot of soul searching and did a lot of fun things, pushed myself outside of the proverbial box of my life. I learned so much about myself and even more than that I learned to love myself. Something that has not always been easy, especially considering how much damage the man who I used to be married to tried to do to my self esteem.
So amazingly when I stopped paying attention, stopped searching for that thing that was going to magically transform my life, I found what I was looking for. Me. All along and I didn't even know it. I just had to find myself and figure out who I was and then I could be happy. And I did it. I found who I was and what made me happy and just like that I was happy. I've talked to My Tammy about this once or twice... there have been times in my life when everything is just going so well and I am content and happy and I'll be in a quiet moment, driving in the car, or just waking up, just going to bed.... you know when you have a moment and your brain isn't really working, it's just being? Well sometimes during those times, I get this overwhelming feeling of joy that passes through me. I call them Joy Bubbles. Because that's they only thing I can think of to describe them. They start somewhere in your stomach and then just move through your body and pretty soon you just have this huge amazing smile an your face. Sometimes you laugh out loud and giggle and just are surrounded by this peace and contentment. Joy Bubbles... They are so great because it reminds you of the good stuff and any of the bad stuff happens to fade away, if even for a moment. When I reached that point in my life and I found myself I had major Joy Bubbles. They were happening so often that they almost weren't bubbles, it was like floating in joy... Trust me on this, it was and is a great feeling.
So just when I reached this point, and was just happy with me and who I was and where I was, I met this guy. My first thoughts were, yes! This is how it is supposed to happen. You are supposed to meet "the guy" when you are this place of contentment. I went into this new experience with open eyes and with no expectations. Well long story short here is that after a week of, I have to say it, bliss... things didn't go the way I had hoped. And the part of it that just irritates me beyond belief is that not only did it hurt. But it sucked out all that joy that I had worked so hard to build up. With one decent guy with some issues of his own all of that crap that I had worked so hard to get rid of came crashing back towards me. But... but.... I worked so hard to get rid of all of that! Why is it back? *sigh*
Not only that but it seems like not so great things were happening all around me and also happening to people that I love and are my rocks. Being SO FAR AWAY from them has been breaking my heart. I want to help, to fix, to soothe, to just be there for them and I can't really be there. I can call and I can email (which I'm not even that great about doing even though I should be) but I can't physically be there and give hugs and offer help and all of the stuff I wish a million times a day I could be doing. Then the work problems started.... well luckily for me I still have my job but 275+ people that work for the same company I work for lost their jobs. My job changed and not for the better and this carefully constructed life that I had put together started to shift and change. I kept trying to hold onto that peaceful place but it got harder and harder. Now keep in mind, my life is still WAY better than it has been in recent years. I am happy here. I do love living here. It is not all bad, but that great happy and peaceful place I had found was slipping away and I wanted it back firmly in place.
So all that to say that's where I've been the last few months. Just trying to figure it all out and get back to that place.... It is so not an easy thing to do... but I did the work once and it was really hard. This time I think I was doing the work but in a different manner. Last week I was reading a book and I finished it right before I went to bed. The next morning I woke up and grabbed for my book only to realize I had finished it. So I grabbed my journal instead and opened it to a random page. I read my entry I had written on the one year anniversary of my grandpa's death. The last part of it I had written some things to myself. Things I needed to remember, things I wanted to be sure always knew, things that mattered but most likely only to me. Whatever I wrote and consequently read that morning was exactly what I needed to hear. It was exactly the words that broke through that last bit of ick that has been holding me back the last few weeks.
I know that life isn't perfect. I know that my life is not where I want it to be (still!), but I also know that it makes it a lot harder to deal with if I have a negative attitude about it all. Sometimes its the imperfections in life that make it interesting. That being the case, I do have a pretty interesting life... I mean I live in Maui, paradise! I have the most amazing friends and family on the face of the planet. I have FINALLY learned to surround myself with good people and allow myself to let go of those people that aren't good for me. At the end of the day that's what it's all about anyway... those who are in your inner circle.
I love and miss you all! Come visit me here in paradise... maybe it will help me feel a little less homesick!! I can't promise to blog more... but I will try!!
I sure haven't written anyting in so long I'm sure a lot of you thought I had fallen off the island and into the ocean. Not true! I am still here. Let's see if I can recap some of what's been going on in my life.
Well the truth of the matter is... I've been not so happy for the past few months. I won't say unhappy because that is pretty hard to do while living in paradise. But I can admit to not being the happiest I have ever been. So what has been going on, you ask? I'll tell ya... or at least paraphrase.
When I moved to Maui, I think I was searching for something. Trying to make some sense out of my life and all of the things that had been thrown my way. For the first year that I lived here I somewhat ignored some of my "issues" and threw myself into the island and life here. I was doing so great that some of my "issues" naturally fell away and became unimportant. Ok ok so what are these mysterious "issues" I keep talking about? Well honestly my life has never felt like it is where it is supposed to be. I always feel like I am just around the next corner from my life being where I want it. Truth be told, whenever I round that next corner, whatever that may be, it just morphs into another hallway to walk and another corner to round. Does that even make any sense? What I'm trying to say is that I have always felt a bit lost and out of synch with where I want to be. So the first year in Maui I did a lot of soul searching and did a lot of fun things, pushed myself outside of the proverbial box of my life. I learned so much about myself and even more than that I learned to love myself. Something that has not always been easy, especially considering how much damage the man who I used to be married to tried to do to my self esteem.
So amazingly when I stopped paying attention, stopped searching for that thing that was going to magically transform my life, I found what I was looking for. Me. All along and I didn't even know it. I just had to find myself and figure out who I was and then I could be happy. And I did it. I found who I was and what made me happy and just like that I was happy. I've talked to My Tammy about this once or twice... there have been times in my life when everything is just going so well and I am content and happy and I'll be in a quiet moment, driving in the car, or just waking up, just going to bed.... you know when you have a moment and your brain isn't really working, it's just being? Well sometimes during those times, I get this overwhelming feeling of joy that passes through me. I call them Joy Bubbles. Because that's they only thing I can think of to describe them. They start somewhere in your stomach and then just move through your body and pretty soon you just have this huge amazing smile an your face. Sometimes you laugh out loud and giggle and just are surrounded by this peace and contentment. Joy Bubbles... They are so great because it reminds you of the good stuff and any of the bad stuff happens to fade away, if even for a moment. When I reached that point in my life and I found myself I had major Joy Bubbles. They were happening so often that they almost weren't bubbles, it was like floating in joy... Trust me on this, it was and is a great feeling.
So just when I reached this point, and was just happy with me and who I was and where I was, I met this guy. My first thoughts were, yes! This is how it is supposed to happen. You are supposed to meet "the guy" when you are this place of contentment. I went into this new experience with open eyes and with no expectations. Well long story short here is that after a week of, I have to say it, bliss... things didn't go the way I had hoped. And the part of it that just irritates me beyond belief is that not only did it hurt. But it sucked out all that joy that I had worked so hard to build up. With one decent guy with some issues of his own all of that crap that I had worked so hard to get rid of came crashing back towards me. But... but.... I worked so hard to get rid of all of that! Why is it back? *sigh*
Not only that but it seems like not so great things were happening all around me and also happening to people that I love and are my rocks. Being SO FAR AWAY from them has been breaking my heart. I want to help, to fix, to soothe, to just be there for them and I can't really be there. I can call and I can email (which I'm not even that great about doing even though I should be) but I can't physically be there and give hugs and offer help and all of the stuff I wish a million times a day I could be doing. Then the work problems started.... well luckily for me I still have my job but 275+ people that work for the same company I work for lost their jobs. My job changed and not for the better and this carefully constructed life that I had put together started to shift and change. I kept trying to hold onto that peaceful place but it got harder and harder. Now keep in mind, my life is still WAY better than it has been in recent years. I am happy here. I do love living here. It is not all bad, but that great happy and peaceful place I had found was slipping away and I wanted it back firmly in place.
So all that to say that's where I've been the last few months. Just trying to figure it all out and get back to that place.... It is so not an easy thing to do... but I did the work once and it was really hard. This time I think I was doing the work but in a different manner. Last week I was reading a book and I finished it right before I went to bed. The next morning I woke up and grabbed for my book only to realize I had finished it. So I grabbed my journal instead and opened it to a random page. I read my entry I had written on the one year anniversary of my grandpa's death. The last part of it I had written some things to myself. Things I needed to remember, things I wanted to be sure always knew, things that mattered but most likely only to me. Whatever I wrote and consequently read that morning was exactly what I needed to hear. It was exactly the words that broke through that last bit of ick that has been holding me back the last few weeks.
I know that life isn't perfect. I know that my life is not where I want it to be (still!), but I also know that it makes it a lot harder to deal with if I have a negative attitude about it all. Sometimes its the imperfections in life that make it interesting. That being the case, I do have a pretty interesting life... I mean I live in Maui, paradise! I have the most amazing friends and family on the face of the planet. I have FINALLY learned to surround myself with good people and allow myself to let go of those people that aren't good for me. At the end of the day that's what it's all about anyway... those who are in your inner circle.
I love and miss you all! Come visit me here in paradise... maybe it will help me feel a little less homesick!! I can't promise to blog more... but I will try!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I Hula!!
Earlier this month I was in a May Day Celebration! My hula class was asked to dance during the performances and we did! I have some pictures and a video! Enjoy!!
My Hula Sisters.. Julie and Jennifer... and our teacher Caroline is in purple on the bottom photo!
My other Hula Sister Silla is also dancing with us... Let me know what you think!! Maybe I'll become a professional hula dancer! heheh just kidding!
Monday, March 24, 2008
My Interesting Day....
So few weeks ago I did a teaser post about an interesting day I had... It's kind of a long story but I wanted to share it because I need to get it off my chest! Here goes...
My Interesting Day
So it was a quiet Friday morning. Nothing too exciting going on around the office, I had my To Do list for the day that was very manageable, and most everyone else seemed to be off at meetings. There were only two of us in my office trailer so needless to say it was a very quiet day. My friend Kris had to go up on the mountain, there is an old golf course up there that we have opened to the public as walking trails. On the old course, on a hill, there are a few cell phone towers, Kris needed to go and take pictures because they are going to be moving the towers and he needed before pictures.
So he asked me if I wanted to take a little field trip and go with him. Because it was so quiet around the office and because my list of stuff to do wasn’t that big, I went with him. As we were in the car chatting, I laughingly told him that it had been a long time since I’d been on an “unauthorized” field trip. He reminded me that he had a very legitimate reason for going, and I reminded him that I was just along for the ride. We got up to the site and I found out that I had to do a little bit of hiking to get to the cell towers. Since I was wearing slippers (flip-flops) it was an interesting climb! We made it up and back down with little drama, save for the 2000 spiders we encountered and climbed back into the car. He looked at me and asked if I had to get back right away or if I wanted to take a little tour around the golf course. I was in no hurry to get back to work, so we started driving further up the mountain.
We were driving on the old cart path; I was looking out the window, enjoying the pretty scenery and just seeing what was out there. All of the sudden I notice something weird on the path way ahead of us. “Kris, what is that?” I ask him. He says “I don’t know.” I say “It looks like a person… do you think someone is just sitting in the middle of the path?” He says “I’m not sure. It does kind of look like somebody.” “Kris,” I say “Hurry up I think that is someone, they might need our help.”
At this point Kris pushes on the gas pedal and maneuvers us towards the figure lying on the path. We pull up rather suddenly and the person doesn’t move at all. “Kris, call 911 and security. Call someone, this guy needs help!” I say calmly (ok ok… I kind of scream/whine/yelled). We rush out of the car and Kris runs up to the guy “Sir, sir are you ok?!” He asks with a quivering voice. The man does not move. Kris grabs his phone and is looking for the number for security. Just then his phone rings. “Shit!” he says and then looking down he breaths a small sigh of relief. He answers the phone, “Jennifer! Call security, call 911, Tina and I are on the Village Walking Trail and we just found a guy lying on the path. We don’t think he is breathing.” I can see him listening. “No, I don’t know CPR and neither does she. Send them quick, this guy needs help.”
He looks at me and we rush back up to the guy. We are just looking at him and I am getting increasingly agitated. “Kris, we need to do something. He needs our help. I don’t know what to do!” Kris and I are standing side by side, both of us shaking, trying to come up with something brilliant, some small thing to do to help this guy. I’m staring at his chest, willing it to move, hoping against hope that he is really breathing and that maybe he is just passed out from exhaustion or something. “Kris, did his chest just move?” He squats down next to me, looking, wishing that he sees this guys chest move. I look over at Kris and say “Damn it. It’s not moving at all. I just want him to be ok. I wish I knew what to do.” Kris says “Check his pulse. See if you feel anything.” I look at him and shake my head. There is no way I can touch this guy, but I can’t just stand there and do nothing. I stand up and shivers go through my whole body. I did that little nervous dance thing I do. Kind of jump around like an idiot, trying to will the nerves away. I cautiously move towards the guy lying in front of us, I am still expecting him to pop up at any moment and get angry at us for bothering him. I reach down and tentatively take his wrist in my fingers. I push against his wrist, probing for some small sign of life. I look up at Kris “I don’t feel anything. Damn it where is Security!” We walk towards the back of the car, willing the security car to appear. I tell him to call Jennifer or security or anyone and tell them that they are taking too long. He calls Jennifer and tells her security still isn’t there and we don’t think the guy has a pulse. She patches him through to security. “Hello, Malia? Yes we are here with the guy. No we don’t think he has a pulse and security isn’t here yet.” Right at that moment we see the security car on the road below us. “Malia, we see security. Thanks.” He hangs up the phone.
Our initial moment of relief slowly turned to disbelief as we see the security car turn down the wrong path, then as we are screaming (absolutely no way he could have heard us, he was at least three quarters of a mile away) he stops and backs up, goes down another wrong path, which leads to more screaming from us. He then must see us standing on top of the hill with our arms flailing wildly, trying to get his attention because he turns up the right path and roars up the hill. He gets to our car and stops, jumps out of the car and goes around to the back to grab his gear. He asks us if we have been performing CPR on the guy, we tell him we both don’t know how. He asks if he is breathing, we say we don’t think he is. He runs up the hill and goes into action. This guy was amazing. His name is Jonah. He kneels down and puts his ear by the guys’ mouth, “I don’t hear anything; he’s not breathing.” He gets out a mouth breather thing and gives the guy some quick breaths. Then he puts his hands on his chest and does some chest compressions. Relief is not flooding through me even though I know that help is here. This is scary and I don’t even know how to feel. I break down, I start crying softly, tears just streaming down my face. We are both standing there watching Jonah who is trying to save this guys life. I reach down and put his equipment closer to him. At this point, Jonah attaches the AED to the guy. He pulls back his shirt and hooks him up to the shock pads. The AED says “Stand back from patient, do not touch patient, analyzing… No shock is advised at this time, continue CPR compressions.” Kris asks if there is anything we can do to help him. He tells Kris to go down the hill in his car and direct emergency personnel up to where we are because he had a hard time finding us. Kris gets in the car and goes down the hill. I stand there and watch Jonah doing CPR on the guy.
He does more breathing, and more chest compressions. I lost track of how many, although I do know while he was doing it, I was counting along with him, desperate to do anything that might constitute helping. Jonah was talking to the guy, urging him to breathe, urging him to hang in there. I stood by silently crying, my nose running, feeling utterly helpless. Jonah looks up at me and grabs his radio off his belt. “Can you call Malia and tell her what is going on?” I grab onto the radio like it is a lifeline. Finally something productive, something I can do instead of standing around feeling like an idiot. I key the radio, “Malia I want to advise that Jonah is performing CPR on the man, victim, guy… (ok so I wasn’t exactly eloquent, but I got my point across). Advise that the man is unresponsive and not breathing.” “10-4,” was the static response.
Jonah continues his CPR, alternating between breathing, chest compressions, and listening and waiting for the AED to find some sign of life from the guy. I really have no idea how long we were there, all at once it seemed like an eternity and a second. My whole body is shaking, quivering. I finally and truly understand the old saying about knees knocking because my knees are literally knocking. I keep glancing down the hill and finally I see an ambulance making its way up the hill. It’s funny because later everyone told me that they heard the sirens, but at that moment all I could hear was Jonah breathing hard from the exertion of trying to keep this man’s heart beating, and Jonah talking to him, urging him to hang in there. I key the radio again “Malia, I want to advise that paramedics are on scene and will be taking over for Jonah.” I hear the static voice again “10-4.”
There were two paramedics, one man and one woman. The woman moves quickly to the side of the ambulance and grabs gear from inside; she rushes up the hill and kneels down on the opposite side of the man from Jonah. He looks up at her and she tells him it’s ok to stop compressions now. He starts to remove his gear from the man’s body and she gently lays a hand on Jonah’s wrist. “Leave the AED wires there, but take that,” she says as she points to the mouth breather. As she is talking she is hooking up her bigger, more powerful machine. I just stand and stare at what they are doing. The man paramedic walks up and looks at the man lying on the ground. He bends down and grabs his right knee, looks underneath at his leg, and then slowly lowers it back down. He looks over at his colleague; she is struggling to get a reading on her machine. She moves it out of the sun, into a small patch of shade, trying to get a reading as the man paramedic walks over to look over her shoulder. They stand huddled for a moment, looking at the instrument. Finally, they both shake their heads a bit sadly.
He looks over at us and says “It’s such a shame, poor guy.” I look up at the both of them and she looks at me “I’m sorry but he has passed away. I think he has been here for a while.” I start to open my mouth, then close it again. Then I say “So what you are telling me is that he’s been dead for a while? That there isn’t anything I could have done that would have made him ok?” My voice cracks as I ask her this question, because it is the question that has been running through my head. How could I have not done anything more to help this guy? Is it my fault that he died because I didn’t know CPR? I start crying because I am so afraid she is going to say I should have done more. I am so sad that this poor man had to be here all alone and die by himself. She walks towards me like she wants to comfort me, I wrap my arms around myself at almost the same moment and she lets her hand fall to her side. “There was nothing you could have done honey. He’s been dead a while. Was he just like this when you found him, or did you see him fall?” She asks. “He was just like this; I didn’t touch him but to check his pulse. I feel like such a fucking idiot for not knowing CPR. I feel like there was something else I should have done.” I say through my tears. She assures me that there is nothing I could have done, that he was probably there for quite a while. “I think you did what you could. You helped him when he needed you.” She tells me very gently, almost afraid to upset me further. Then I say “You know you imagine these situations during your life, you think about what you are going to do if something like this ever happens to you. I always thought I would be so brave, be so noble. I thought I would spring into action and do anything and everything I could. But I was just so scared.” I know I sound somewhat hysterical, but I am overwhelmed.
I take a deep breath and try to get my crying under control. I look down at this man and just feel so incredibly sad. The poor guy was just going out for a walk, with his ipod, and I imagine him as he was walking along, he puts his hand to his chest, gets disoriented, sits down as he realizes what is happening, and then dies all alone. I imagine his family back at the hotel, waiting for him to come back, me knowing that he won’t ever be coming back and I can’t help the tears that fall down my cheeks. This poor family is about to have the worst day of their lives. I know how they feel, but at least when my grandpa died, I was there with him and my family. I just stand there staring at him, imagining all these things and tears are just falling down my cheeks and onto the pavement. I notice that he has the same shoes that I do, that his ipod looks just like mine, that his hands look weird, probably because he was in pain.
The paramedics are talking to Jonah and telling him we need to wait for the police and coroner to arrive. I almost feel like I have stepped onto the set of a CSI episode. I actually know what they are talking about because it’s just like my favorite TV show. The paramedics tell us that they are going to leave because there is nothing more that they can do for him. Jonah looks at me and starts asking me questions, we are bonded in the moment by this misfortune. We quietly talk back and forth as the paramedics gather their gear. I don’t remember what we talked about, just little things; trying to absorb the shock we are both feeling. The paramedics come back up the hill towards us to say goodbye. Right before they leave Jonah asks if they happen to have a blanket or something to cover him. He feels bad that they guys is just laying there for anyone to see. They walk back to the ambulance and grab a light blue blanket, come back and cover him up. Just as they were getting ready to leave three police cars showed up.
Three officers in uniform and one in plainclothes walk up to us. I can hear them talking about who is going to do what. The male paramedic walks down and starts talking to them, telling them that the man is dead. That he has been there for a while and there was nothing anyone could do. One of the officers walks up to me and stands to my left. He starts asking me questions, the basic ones, my name, address, phone number. Then he asks me to describe to him what happened, he lets me talk, waits through the times that I have to try to collect myself and asks questions to make sure he understands what I am saying. Telling him, someone official, someone in charge, what happened is somewhat cathartic. It makes me feel like at last I am doing something helpful. I know that I am very observant, and I know that I am giving him really good information. Even though I didn’t have a watch, I estimate the time we found him and find out later I was only three minutes off.
As I’m standing there giving the officer my statement, I watch the other officers go about the business of taking care of the man, the business of attending to his death. The plain clothes officer pulls out a camera, they take the blanket off of him, and he starts taking pictures. I know from watching CSI that they are documenting the scene. My voice quivers a bit when I see them going through his pockets, the officers attending to the man intermittently ask me questions. This exchange of information again is helpful, it is helping me to get some of my nervous energy out, allowing me to vent some of the sadness. As they look through his pockets they find his wallet. The man has a name. I do everything in my power to block out that part of the conversation; I don’t want to know his name. His death is already a part of my life, a part of my life experiences, and I don’t want to get any more personal with him than I already am. They pull out an American Express card, a receipt. They take out the bills in his wallet, one of the policemen says “Sixty, eighty, one-ten, one-nineteen.” The other officer says “One hundred nineteen dollars?” The first one replies “Yes and some change.” Next the discussion of his room key, then they roll him to his side and empty his back pockets. The put all of his possessions inside his baseball hat and take pictures. As they are doing this, his license is being handed around so everyone can fill out their forms, put all the information in the right boxes.
I finally finish giving my statement; I can’t help but wrap my arms around myself like it is cold even though it is about 80 degrees with a slight breeze. If I was here for any other reason I would be enjoying the breathtaking view, the sea in the background, the overgrown golf course in the foreground. After a while I am standing there by myself. The policemen have gone down the hill to move their cars so the ambulance can get out; it is a very narrow, one lane road and they have to back down the hill single file. It’s almost comical really. Except that it is not really a time to be laughing. I stand there, looking down at the man who has consumed every fiber of my being for the last hour and a half. This man who merely went for a morning walk and everything changed for him and his family. My heart starts to hurt again and I can only do one last thing for him. I stand there, look out at the ocean, look up at the sky, and I pray. I pray for him, I pray that his death was not as scary as it looked to be, I prayed that his family find comfort through their grief. I prayed that his life was a good life and I prayed that God watch over him as his body was moved to its final resting place and that He watch over this mans’ family as they dealt with this death.
I had done all I could to help him. In the end it wasn’t much, honestly. But I did what I could and I asked God to take care of the rest. I looked over at the plainclothes officer and asked if I could leave. He got on his phone and verified with the other officers that I wasn’t needed anymore. I started walking down the hill, towards Kris who was waiting at the bottom of the hill with the car. With a quick word back at Jonah, I walked past the man, I walked past the security car, and I walked past the patrol cars as they came back up the hill. I tried to compose myself as I walked; I tried to gather my thoughts, control my emotions before I reached Kris and the car.
As I get a few steps away from Kris he asks me if I’m ok. I say in a shaky voice “Yeah, no, I don’t know.” He opens his arms and wraps me in a hug as I struggle not to cry again. I take a step back and ask him to please take me back down the mountain. I’m ready to leave this day behind. Once we got back to the office and shared the news with all of our coworkers, our head guy came over and talked with me a little bit. He told me how sorry he was that I had to go through what I just went through. He told me that he was there to listen to me and my story and that I am welcome to talk to him. Then he told me to go home.
So I went home, straight to my sisters’ house. I walked straight in the house, up the stairs and found my 2 year old nephew watching cartoons inside. I walked straight over to him and picked him up, wrapping my arms around him, smothering his face with kisses. As he giggled and hugged me, I felt my heart hurt just a little less. He pointed to my necklace and says “Heart!! Titi Blue Heart!!” So proud of himself! I giggle and say “That’s right!! That’s Titi’s blue heart necklace.” Then I tell him that his Titi needs a hug. He wraps his little arms around me and puts his head on my shoulder. His little hand pats my back and I know that my heart will be ok.
My Interesting Day
So it was a quiet Friday morning. Nothing too exciting going on around the office, I had my To Do list for the day that was very manageable, and most everyone else seemed to be off at meetings. There were only two of us in my office trailer so needless to say it was a very quiet day. My friend Kris had to go up on the mountain, there is an old golf course up there that we have opened to the public as walking trails. On the old course, on a hill, there are a few cell phone towers, Kris needed to go and take pictures because they are going to be moving the towers and he needed before pictures.
So he asked me if I wanted to take a little field trip and go with him. Because it was so quiet around the office and because my list of stuff to do wasn’t that big, I went with him. As we were in the car chatting, I laughingly told him that it had been a long time since I’d been on an “unauthorized” field trip. He reminded me that he had a very legitimate reason for going, and I reminded him that I was just along for the ride. We got up to the site and I found out that I had to do a little bit of hiking to get to the cell towers. Since I was wearing slippers (flip-flops) it was an interesting climb! We made it up and back down with little drama, save for the 2000 spiders we encountered and climbed back into the car. He looked at me and asked if I had to get back right away or if I wanted to take a little tour around the golf course. I was in no hurry to get back to work, so we started driving further up the mountain.
We were driving on the old cart path; I was looking out the window, enjoying the pretty scenery and just seeing what was out there. All of the sudden I notice something weird on the path way ahead of us. “Kris, what is that?” I ask him. He says “I don’t know.” I say “It looks like a person… do you think someone is just sitting in the middle of the path?” He says “I’m not sure. It does kind of look like somebody.” “Kris,” I say “Hurry up I think that is someone, they might need our help.”
At this point Kris pushes on the gas pedal and maneuvers us towards the figure lying on the path. We pull up rather suddenly and the person doesn’t move at all. “Kris, call 911 and security. Call someone, this guy needs help!” I say calmly (ok ok… I kind of scream/whine/yelled). We rush out of the car and Kris runs up to the guy “Sir, sir are you ok?!” He asks with a quivering voice. The man does not move. Kris grabs his phone and is looking for the number for security. Just then his phone rings. “Shit!” he says and then looking down he breaths a small sigh of relief. He answers the phone, “Jennifer! Call security, call 911, Tina and I are on the Village Walking Trail and we just found a guy lying on the path. We don’t think he is breathing.” I can see him listening. “No, I don’t know CPR and neither does she. Send them quick, this guy needs help.”
He looks at me and we rush back up to the guy. We are just looking at him and I am getting increasingly agitated. “Kris, we need to do something. He needs our help. I don’t know what to do!” Kris and I are standing side by side, both of us shaking, trying to come up with something brilliant, some small thing to do to help this guy. I’m staring at his chest, willing it to move, hoping against hope that he is really breathing and that maybe he is just passed out from exhaustion or something. “Kris, did his chest just move?” He squats down next to me, looking, wishing that he sees this guys chest move. I look over at Kris and say “Damn it. It’s not moving at all. I just want him to be ok. I wish I knew what to do.” Kris says “Check his pulse. See if you feel anything.” I look at him and shake my head. There is no way I can touch this guy, but I can’t just stand there and do nothing. I stand up and shivers go through my whole body. I did that little nervous dance thing I do. Kind of jump around like an idiot, trying to will the nerves away. I cautiously move towards the guy lying in front of us, I am still expecting him to pop up at any moment and get angry at us for bothering him. I reach down and tentatively take his wrist in my fingers. I push against his wrist, probing for some small sign of life. I look up at Kris “I don’t feel anything. Damn it where is Security!” We walk towards the back of the car, willing the security car to appear. I tell him to call Jennifer or security or anyone and tell them that they are taking too long. He calls Jennifer and tells her security still isn’t there and we don’t think the guy has a pulse. She patches him through to security. “Hello, Malia? Yes we are here with the guy. No we don’t think he has a pulse and security isn’t here yet.” Right at that moment we see the security car on the road below us. “Malia, we see security. Thanks.” He hangs up the phone.
Our initial moment of relief slowly turned to disbelief as we see the security car turn down the wrong path, then as we are screaming (absolutely no way he could have heard us, he was at least three quarters of a mile away) he stops and backs up, goes down another wrong path, which leads to more screaming from us. He then must see us standing on top of the hill with our arms flailing wildly, trying to get his attention because he turns up the right path and roars up the hill. He gets to our car and stops, jumps out of the car and goes around to the back to grab his gear. He asks us if we have been performing CPR on the guy, we tell him we both don’t know how. He asks if he is breathing, we say we don’t think he is. He runs up the hill and goes into action. This guy was amazing. His name is Jonah. He kneels down and puts his ear by the guys’ mouth, “I don’t hear anything; he’s not breathing.” He gets out a mouth breather thing and gives the guy some quick breaths. Then he puts his hands on his chest and does some chest compressions. Relief is not flooding through me even though I know that help is here. This is scary and I don’t even know how to feel. I break down, I start crying softly, tears just streaming down my face. We are both standing there watching Jonah who is trying to save this guys life. I reach down and put his equipment closer to him. At this point, Jonah attaches the AED to the guy. He pulls back his shirt and hooks him up to the shock pads. The AED says “Stand back from patient, do not touch patient, analyzing… No shock is advised at this time, continue CPR compressions.” Kris asks if there is anything we can do to help him. He tells Kris to go down the hill in his car and direct emergency personnel up to where we are because he had a hard time finding us. Kris gets in the car and goes down the hill. I stand there and watch Jonah doing CPR on the guy.
He does more breathing, and more chest compressions. I lost track of how many, although I do know while he was doing it, I was counting along with him, desperate to do anything that might constitute helping. Jonah was talking to the guy, urging him to breathe, urging him to hang in there. I stood by silently crying, my nose running, feeling utterly helpless. Jonah looks up at me and grabs his radio off his belt. “Can you call Malia and tell her what is going on?” I grab onto the radio like it is a lifeline. Finally something productive, something I can do instead of standing around feeling like an idiot. I key the radio, “Malia I want to advise that Jonah is performing CPR on the man, victim, guy… (ok so I wasn’t exactly eloquent, but I got my point across). Advise that the man is unresponsive and not breathing.” “10-4,” was the static response.
Jonah continues his CPR, alternating between breathing, chest compressions, and listening and waiting for the AED to find some sign of life from the guy. I really have no idea how long we were there, all at once it seemed like an eternity and a second. My whole body is shaking, quivering. I finally and truly understand the old saying about knees knocking because my knees are literally knocking. I keep glancing down the hill and finally I see an ambulance making its way up the hill. It’s funny because later everyone told me that they heard the sirens, but at that moment all I could hear was Jonah breathing hard from the exertion of trying to keep this man’s heart beating, and Jonah talking to him, urging him to hang in there. I key the radio again “Malia, I want to advise that paramedics are on scene and will be taking over for Jonah.” I hear the static voice again “10-4.”
There were two paramedics, one man and one woman. The woman moves quickly to the side of the ambulance and grabs gear from inside; she rushes up the hill and kneels down on the opposite side of the man from Jonah. He looks up at her and she tells him it’s ok to stop compressions now. He starts to remove his gear from the man’s body and she gently lays a hand on Jonah’s wrist. “Leave the AED wires there, but take that,” she says as she points to the mouth breather. As she is talking she is hooking up her bigger, more powerful machine. I just stand and stare at what they are doing. The man paramedic walks up and looks at the man lying on the ground. He bends down and grabs his right knee, looks underneath at his leg, and then slowly lowers it back down. He looks over at his colleague; she is struggling to get a reading on her machine. She moves it out of the sun, into a small patch of shade, trying to get a reading as the man paramedic walks over to look over her shoulder. They stand huddled for a moment, looking at the instrument. Finally, they both shake their heads a bit sadly.
He looks over at us and says “It’s such a shame, poor guy.” I look up at the both of them and she looks at me “I’m sorry but he has passed away. I think he has been here for a while.” I start to open my mouth, then close it again. Then I say “So what you are telling me is that he’s been dead for a while? That there isn’t anything I could have done that would have made him ok?” My voice cracks as I ask her this question, because it is the question that has been running through my head. How could I have not done anything more to help this guy? Is it my fault that he died because I didn’t know CPR? I start crying because I am so afraid she is going to say I should have done more. I am so sad that this poor man had to be here all alone and die by himself. She walks towards me like she wants to comfort me, I wrap my arms around myself at almost the same moment and she lets her hand fall to her side. “There was nothing you could have done honey. He’s been dead a while. Was he just like this when you found him, or did you see him fall?” She asks. “He was just like this; I didn’t touch him but to check his pulse. I feel like such a fucking idiot for not knowing CPR. I feel like there was something else I should have done.” I say through my tears. She assures me that there is nothing I could have done, that he was probably there for quite a while. “I think you did what you could. You helped him when he needed you.” She tells me very gently, almost afraid to upset me further. Then I say “You know you imagine these situations during your life, you think about what you are going to do if something like this ever happens to you. I always thought I would be so brave, be so noble. I thought I would spring into action and do anything and everything I could. But I was just so scared.” I know I sound somewhat hysterical, but I am overwhelmed.
I take a deep breath and try to get my crying under control. I look down at this man and just feel so incredibly sad. The poor guy was just going out for a walk, with his ipod, and I imagine him as he was walking along, he puts his hand to his chest, gets disoriented, sits down as he realizes what is happening, and then dies all alone. I imagine his family back at the hotel, waiting for him to come back, me knowing that he won’t ever be coming back and I can’t help the tears that fall down my cheeks. This poor family is about to have the worst day of their lives. I know how they feel, but at least when my grandpa died, I was there with him and my family. I just stand there staring at him, imagining all these things and tears are just falling down my cheeks and onto the pavement. I notice that he has the same shoes that I do, that his ipod looks just like mine, that his hands look weird, probably because he was in pain.
The paramedics are talking to Jonah and telling him we need to wait for the police and coroner to arrive. I almost feel like I have stepped onto the set of a CSI episode. I actually know what they are talking about because it’s just like my favorite TV show. The paramedics tell us that they are going to leave because there is nothing more that they can do for him. Jonah looks at me and starts asking me questions, we are bonded in the moment by this misfortune. We quietly talk back and forth as the paramedics gather their gear. I don’t remember what we talked about, just little things; trying to absorb the shock we are both feeling. The paramedics come back up the hill towards us to say goodbye. Right before they leave Jonah asks if they happen to have a blanket or something to cover him. He feels bad that they guys is just laying there for anyone to see. They walk back to the ambulance and grab a light blue blanket, come back and cover him up. Just as they were getting ready to leave three police cars showed up.
Three officers in uniform and one in plainclothes walk up to us. I can hear them talking about who is going to do what. The male paramedic walks down and starts talking to them, telling them that the man is dead. That he has been there for a while and there was nothing anyone could do. One of the officers walks up to me and stands to my left. He starts asking me questions, the basic ones, my name, address, phone number. Then he asks me to describe to him what happened, he lets me talk, waits through the times that I have to try to collect myself and asks questions to make sure he understands what I am saying. Telling him, someone official, someone in charge, what happened is somewhat cathartic. It makes me feel like at last I am doing something helpful. I know that I am very observant, and I know that I am giving him really good information. Even though I didn’t have a watch, I estimate the time we found him and find out later I was only three minutes off.
As I’m standing there giving the officer my statement, I watch the other officers go about the business of taking care of the man, the business of attending to his death. The plain clothes officer pulls out a camera, they take the blanket off of him, and he starts taking pictures. I know from watching CSI that they are documenting the scene. My voice quivers a bit when I see them going through his pockets, the officers attending to the man intermittently ask me questions. This exchange of information again is helpful, it is helping me to get some of my nervous energy out, allowing me to vent some of the sadness. As they look through his pockets they find his wallet. The man has a name. I do everything in my power to block out that part of the conversation; I don’t want to know his name. His death is already a part of my life, a part of my life experiences, and I don’t want to get any more personal with him than I already am. They pull out an American Express card, a receipt. They take out the bills in his wallet, one of the policemen says “Sixty, eighty, one-ten, one-nineteen.” The other officer says “One hundred nineteen dollars?” The first one replies “Yes and some change.” Next the discussion of his room key, then they roll him to his side and empty his back pockets. The put all of his possessions inside his baseball hat and take pictures. As they are doing this, his license is being handed around so everyone can fill out their forms, put all the information in the right boxes.
I finally finish giving my statement; I can’t help but wrap my arms around myself like it is cold even though it is about 80 degrees with a slight breeze. If I was here for any other reason I would be enjoying the breathtaking view, the sea in the background, the overgrown golf course in the foreground. After a while I am standing there by myself. The policemen have gone down the hill to move their cars so the ambulance can get out; it is a very narrow, one lane road and they have to back down the hill single file. It’s almost comical really. Except that it is not really a time to be laughing. I stand there, looking down at the man who has consumed every fiber of my being for the last hour and a half. This man who merely went for a morning walk and everything changed for him and his family. My heart starts to hurt again and I can only do one last thing for him. I stand there, look out at the ocean, look up at the sky, and I pray. I pray for him, I pray that his death was not as scary as it looked to be, I prayed that his family find comfort through their grief. I prayed that his life was a good life and I prayed that God watch over him as his body was moved to its final resting place and that He watch over this mans’ family as they dealt with this death.
I had done all I could to help him. In the end it wasn’t much, honestly. But I did what I could and I asked God to take care of the rest. I looked over at the plainclothes officer and asked if I could leave. He got on his phone and verified with the other officers that I wasn’t needed anymore. I started walking down the hill, towards Kris who was waiting at the bottom of the hill with the car. With a quick word back at Jonah, I walked past the man, I walked past the security car, and I walked past the patrol cars as they came back up the hill. I tried to compose myself as I walked; I tried to gather my thoughts, control my emotions before I reached Kris and the car.
As I get a few steps away from Kris he asks me if I’m ok. I say in a shaky voice “Yeah, no, I don’t know.” He opens his arms and wraps me in a hug as I struggle not to cry again. I take a step back and ask him to please take me back down the mountain. I’m ready to leave this day behind. Once we got back to the office and shared the news with all of our coworkers, our head guy came over and talked with me a little bit. He told me how sorry he was that I had to go through what I just went through. He told me that he was there to listen to me and my story and that I am welcome to talk to him. Then he told me to go home.
So I went home, straight to my sisters’ house. I walked straight in the house, up the stairs and found my 2 year old nephew watching cartoons inside. I walked straight over to him and picked him up, wrapping my arms around him, smothering his face with kisses. As he giggled and hugged me, I felt my heart hurt just a little less. He pointed to my necklace and says “Heart!! Titi Blue Heart!!” So proud of himself! I giggle and say “That’s right!! That’s Titi’s blue heart necklace.” Then I tell him that his Titi needs a hug. He wraps his little arms around me and puts his head on my shoulder. His little hand pats my back and I know that my heart will be ok.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Little bit of catch up...
It seems like lots of stuff has been going on and I just haven't gotten a chance to write about it. I am actually working on a blog post about something that happened here recently but I just haven't gotten it all worked out yet. So keep your eyes peeled for that exciting event.
A quick little catch up...
I went to our Maui area speech contest and I did really well! It was the best speech I have given thus far in my illustrious speaking career! There were other people there that were far more talented than me, so I didn't place and qualify to go on to the next level (PHEW!) but I felt really good about my speech. I got a lot of compliments after and I'm already working on what I want to do for my next speech competition! Thanks for all your suggestions, they were very helpful! I also have some video of my speech which I will post for those of you interested enough to watch it!
I've been on a few whale watching trips, which is about the most amazing stuff you have ever seen in your life! I have a ton of pictures and some videos that when I get some time I will post as well.
Other than that, same ole same ole! Life is wonderful, Maui is beautiful!! I still miss all my family and friends from home but hope some of you will get out here sometime soon!!
Oh yeah... and I went out on a date! With a really nice guy!! I'm excited to see what might happen there!!
Hope everyone is doing well!! Love you and miss you!!
A quick little catch up...
I went to our Maui area speech contest and I did really well! It was the best speech I have given thus far in my illustrious speaking career! There were other people there that were far more talented than me, so I didn't place and qualify to go on to the next level (PHEW!) but I felt really good about my speech. I got a lot of compliments after and I'm already working on what I want to do for my next speech competition! Thanks for all your suggestions, they were very helpful! I also have some video of my speech which I will post for those of you interested enough to watch it!
I've been on a few whale watching trips, which is about the most amazing stuff you have ever seen in your life! I have a ton of pictures and some videos that when I get some time I will post as well.
Other than that, same ole same ole! Life is wonderful, Maui is beautiful!! I still miss all my family and friends from home but hope some of you will get out here sometime soon!!
Oh yeah... and I went out on a date! With a really nice guy!! I'm excited to see what might happen there!!
Hope everyone is doing well!! Love you and miss you!!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Need some Assistance!
So in my excitement to share my Chewbacca dream, I forgot to mention that my Toastmaster Club Competition went extremely well! I did a great job of running the contest... and I WON!!! YAY ME!!! I will now go on to compete in the Area Competition coming up in March. So I thought I would post my speech here and have you guys (meaning the two people that read my blog, Tammy and Stephanie!) help me spruce it up a bit. It's supposed to be an inspirational speech. I think, and was told by some friends, that the ending needs to be a little jazzier. Any help is appreciated!! I just realized that it's kind of in outline form... the three examples I didn't write out on purpose because I want to "read the room" and give examples from the heart. So this may be a pointless pursuit.. but at least you can see some stuff I've been up to :)
Time is Precious
Time is precious.
Just ask someone who has just been diagnosed as terminally ill.
Ask any mother who looks over at her baby, only to realize they are now a man, or woman.
Talk to my Grandma who was married to my Grandpa for 59 years and 4 months and at the end of his life was hoping and wishing for one more day, one more hour with him.
Time is precious.
The time you give to others is even more precious.
Before I moved to Maui my time was way too precious to give to others. Once I moved here I decided that I might just have a few minutes to give, as long as I received something in return. I admit I started out just to meet guys…
I want to tell you about three experiences that changed my mind about volunteering. What I found, when I volunteered my time, was that it was fun. Not only that but it was rewarding.
First trip - Mauka Volunteer Service Trip.
When I told mom she thought I was crazy.
Didn’t like pulling weeds.
Once I got up on that mountain, I fell in love.
It was FUN!!
I didn’t even meet any single guys that day… and I still had FUN!
Second trip – Makai Volunteer Service Trip.
Snorkeling – Picking up trash – Mom thought I was crazy again.
Learned to snorkel, taught by Megan.
Made new friends, learned something else to fall in love with. Had a great day.
Third trip – Habitat for Humanity
Been wanting to do this for years.
I got to hang out with a group of my friends for the afternoon.
I got to work the CHOP SAW!!
I talked with the lady whose house we were building and heard the gratitude and longing in her voice for her own home.
By the end of the day I was totally exhausted and was on cloud 9!
Time is Precious.
But so are the West Maui Mountains. By volunteering, I helped maintain one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen on this earth.
Time is precious.
But so is the Maui coastline, beaches and reefs. By volunteering, even if I helped only one fish, then I did something great.
Time is precious.
But so is the family that I helped. By volunteering, that family that WILL live in a HOME that they OWN because I helped build their dream.
Volunteering can be fun, but even more than that it IS rewarding!
I understand that time is precious. But what you will get back is even more precious than time…. You are giving of yourself and that comes back to you.
Find something that you are a little bit interested in, or something that you are curious about.
Even if you only give one day a month to something or someone, volunteer your time for something you believe in.
Who knows, you might meet some great people, fall in love with a new activity, or just walk away feeling great.
Thank you.
Interested in any thoughts you may have!
Time is Precious
Time is precious.
Just ask someone who has just been diagnosed as terminally ill.
Ask any mother who looks over at her baby, only to realize they are now a man, or woman.
Talk to my Grandma who was married to my Grandpa for 59 years and 4 months and at the end of his life was hoping and wishing for one more day, one more hour with him.
Time is precious.
The time you give to others is even more precious.
Before I moved to Maui my time was way too precious to give to others. Once I moved here I decided that I might just have a few minutes to give, as long as I received something in return. I admit I started out just to meet guys…
I want to tell you about three experiences that changed my mind about volunteering. What I found, when I volunteered my time, was that it was fun. Not only that but it was rewarding.
First trip - Mauka Volunteer Service Trip.
When I told mom she thought I was crazy.
Didn’t like pulling weeds.
Once I got up on that mountain, I fell in love.
It was FUN!!
I didn’t even meet any single guys that day… and I still had FUN!
Second trip – Makai Volunteer Service Trip.
Snorkeling – Picking up trash – Mom thought I was crazy again.
Learned to snorkel, taught by Megan.
Made new friends, learned something else to fall in love with. Had a great day.
Third trip – Habitat for Humanity
Been wanting to do this for years.
I got to hang out with a group of my friends for the afternoon.
I got to work the CHOP SAW!!
I talked with the lady whose house we were building and heard the gratitude and longing in her voice for her own home.
By the end of the day I was totally exhausted and was on cloud 9!
Time is Precious.
But so are the West Maui Mountains. By volunteering, I helped maintain one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen on this earth.
Time is precious.
But so is the Maui coastline, beaches and reefs. By volunteering, even if I helped only one fish, then I did something great.
Time is precious.
But so is the family that I helped. By volunteering, that family that WILL live in a HOME that they OWN because I helped build their dream.
Volunteering can be fun, but even more than that it IS rewarding!
I understand that time is precious. But what you will get back is even more precious than time…. You are giving of yourself and that comes back to you.
Find something that you are a little bit interested in, or something that you are curious about.
Even if you only give one day a month to something or someone, volunteer your time for something you believe in.
Who knows, you might meet some great people, fall in love with a new activity, or just walk away feeling great.
Thank you.
Interested in any thoughts you may have!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
What a way to start the day!
So I don't usually have all that much to say on a daily basis. Most people don't seem to realize that although I live in Maui it's kinda the same as it was back in Sacramento. I get up and go to work, sometimes I do stuff after work and sometimes I don't, go home and hang out with my roommate, go to bed... and it all starts over the next day.
But today was a little different. Today was kinda special.
Last night my roommate John left for his 3 week vacation. I really have mixed feelings about this. One one hand I'm kind of excited to have my apartment to myself... on the other hand I'm a little bummed that I won't have him to hang out with for the next 3 weeks. But it's the first time he's been home since he moved here so I'm mostly just really excited for him! So I had the place to myself last night and stayed up WAY too late playing on the computer and catching up on recorded tv shows. I went to bed around 12:00.
This morning around 4:30 I woke up. Actually I woke myself up. I had a dream....
First to set the stage... I am part of a Toasmasters club here in Maui. Toastmasters is the club that helps you become more comfortable with public speaking. I am the VP of Education actually. It's a new role for me and it's still a bit overwhelming. We are having a competition next month for the whole island of Maui and today we had our club competition. Because I am the VP of Ed, it is my job to run the competition. I have never even seen a competition let alone run one! Oh and my friend Jennifer convinced me that I should do one of my speeches and compete. So here I am a lot nervous about running the competition and also nervous about giving my speech. I haven't had a lot of time in the last week to work on my speech and was getting very agitated about today. This all must have been on my mind when I went to sleep last night.
So I dreamt that I was standing in this huge auditorium with roughly 500 people (keep in mind that the competition I ran today only had about 12 people!) and I was running this competition. I was doing so well. I am killing the crowd!! They are laughing at all the right times, and they are with me! It's great!
I tell everyone that we are going to take a break and go outside. So we all walk outside (yes it's ridiculous that all 500 of us go outside but it was a dream so what can I say!?) and someone takes out a "Skip It". Suddenly it morphs into a ball on the end of a long string. We are all standing around, playing with this ball on the end of this long string. All of the sudden this ball on the end of the string morphs into a ball on a string tied to a pole... Oh Tetherball! So here we are... standing outside of this competition and we are all playing tetherball!
I am standing at one of the courts and playing with a few people. I am getting super competitive and really getting into it. Then someone on the court morphs into someone I am quite surprised to see... I am playing with all my heart. I HAVE to win this tetherball game!! I swing the ball high... I swing the ball low.... round and round the pole it goes....
I look over at my oponent and it dawns on me how improbable it is...
I am playing tetherball against Chewbacca.
Yes. Chewbacca. Of Star Wars Chewbacca.
The ridiculousness of the situation enters my consciousness and in my dream I start giggling. Pretty soon I'm laughing... then I am TOTALLY CRACKING UP!!
I was laughing SO hard that I WOKE MYSELF UP!!! Yes, that's right... I woke myself up at 4:30 in the morning... LAUGHING.
What a way to start the day!!!
But today was a little different. Today was kinda special.
Last night my roommate John left for his 3 week vacation. I really have mixed feelings about this. One one hand I'm kind of excited to have my apartment to myself... on the other hand I'm a little bummed that I won't have him to hang out with for the next 3 weeks. But it's the first time he's been home since he moved here so I'm mostly just really excited for him! So I had the place to myself last night and stayed up WAY too late playing on the computer and catching up on recorded tv shows. I went to bed around 12:00.
This morning around 4:30 I woke up. Actually I woke myself up. I had a dream....
First to set the stage... I am part of a Toasmasters club here in Maui. Toastmasters is the club that helps you become more comfortable with public speaking. I am the VP of Education actually. It's a new role for me and it's still a bit overwhelming. We are having a competition next month for the whole island of Maui and today we had our club competition. Because I am the VP of Ed, it is my job to run the competition. I have never even seen a competition let alone run one! Oh and my friend Jennifer convinced me that I should do one of my speeches and compete. So here I am a lot nervous about running the competition and also nervous about giving my speech. I haven't had a lot of time in the last week to work on my speech and was getting very agitated about today. This all must have been on my mind when I went to sleep last night.
So I dreamt that I was standing in this huge auditorium with roughly 500 people (keep in mind that the competition I ran today only had about 12 people!) and I was running this competition. I was doing so well. I am killing the crowd!! They are laughing at all the right times, and they are with me! It's great!
I tell everyone that we are going to take a break and go outside. So we all walk outside (yes it's ridiculous that all 500 of us go outside but it was a dream so what can I say!?) and someone takes out a "Skip It". Suddenly it morphs into a ball on the end of a long string. We are all standing around, playing with this ball on the end of this long string. All of the sudden this ball on the end of the string morphs into a ball on a string tied to a pole... Oh Tetherball! So here we are... standing outside of this competition and we are all playing tetherball!
I am standing at one of the courts and playing with a few people. I am getting super competitive and really getting into it. Then someone on the court morphs into someone I am quite surprised to see... I am playing with all my heart. I HAVE to win this tetherball game!! I swing the ball high... I swing the ball low.... round and round the pole it goes....
I look over at my oponent and it dawns on me how improbable it is...
I am playing tetherball against Chewbacca.
Yes. Chewbacca. Of Star Wars Chewbacca.
The ridiculousness of the situation enters my consciousness and in my dream I start giggling. Pretty soon I'm laughing... then I am TOTALLY CRACKING UP!!
I was laughing SO hard that I WOKE MYSELF UP!!! Yes, that's right... I woke myself up at 4:30 in the morning... LAUGHING.
What a way to start the day!!!
Friday, February 8, 2008
OH MY GOSH!!
How could I have forgotten to blog about my recent HELICOPTER RIDE!!!
That's right... my brother and I went on an hour long helicopter ride around Maui, to Molokai and back... It was amazing and breathtaking... So beautiful!!
OH!! And we saw WHALES from the air!! It was SO SO SO cool!!
That's right... my brother and I went on an hour long helicopter ride around Maui, to Molokai and back... It was amazing and breathtaking... So beautiful!!
OH!! And we saw WHALES from the air!! It was SO SO SO cool!!
One of the pictures I wanted to show seperate from the slideshow because it's just that cool!
Look at the left hand side of the picture... now count two buildings along the water... the building right behind the second building is MY APARTMENT BUILDING!!! How cool is that!?! SO VERY COOL!!!
Thanks Dom for taking me!!!
Slideshow below!
Thanks Dom for taking me!!!
Slideshow below!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Living in Maui is so Cool!
Guess what I did tonight after work?? I took Hula lessons!! One of the ladies at work teaches hula and she invited some of the ladies from the resort to join her for some hula lessons. So tonight was our first lesson. It is HARD!! There are steps that you have to learn, each called a different thing in Hawaiian, and each of those steps goes along with specific words to the song. So not only do I have to figure out how to make my feet move, I need to learn all the words to the songs! AND THEN!!! You have to put in the hand movements. The hand movements are like sign language and they go with the words. So then you have to put all those together! It was really fun, it's amazing the things you can say with your body!! Not only that but for various reasons, no one else showed up... So I got a private Hula lesson!!!
It really gives me a new appreciation for the hula dancers I have seen!!! Maybe if I get halfway decent, I'll have someone take a video and I'll post it!
Just another reason that living in Maui is so cool... I get to learn hula!
It really gives me a new appreciation for the hula dancers I have seen!!! Maybe if I get halfway decent, I'll have someone take a video and I'll post it!
Just another reason that living in Maui is so cool... I get to learn hula!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I'm Green!
You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
2007 Wrap Up
For the other two people that read my blog... :) I thought I'd do one big post and wrap up 2007 before I move into the new and exciting 2008.
One of the reasons I wasn't blogging is because I was working on a great big secret project. I actually planned a trip home for Christmas and I was afraid that my mom might read my blog. It's really hard to blog about life when you are trying to not let someone close to you know what is going on! So two interesting things about that... I once wrote about how I have a certain amount of bravery that I didn't know I possessed. Well folks, I am actually way braver than I ever knew. Since moving to Maui, I have noticed a certain body shape that a lot of the women around here have. It doesn't quite match mine. So I have been trying really hard to lose some weight and to get in shape. So I joined my roommate John and some of the guys from the golf course at work and we had a contest.... we called it "The Biggest Loser Kapalua Style". SO basically what happened was we all had a certain amount of weight we wanted to lose and all put in $100 dollars. Here is the brave part... I actually stepped on a scale in front of MEN!! There were 2 of them to witness my weigh in both times. It was humiliating and strangely liberating all at the same time. To make a long story short, I didn't win the competition but I did manage to lose 20 pounds. I lost 10 pounds the hard way, diet and exercise. I lost the second 10 the harder way... I did a cleanse. So for 12 days at the end of November I did not eat once ounce of food.. I drank a lemonade/maple syrup/cayenne pepper concotion that cleans impurities out of your body. It was SOOOOO hard to not eat Thanksgiving dinner!!! But I lasted 12 days and I learned a lot about myself and how not only am I brave, but I'm so much stronger than I ever give myself credit for!!
When I showed up in Boise Idaho to surprise my mom, it was great to be there 20 pounds lighter! The look on her face when I showed up was priceless! I really enjoyed a 11 day vacation seeing family and friends. I didn't so much enjoy the 8 airports in 11 days though. I was SO happy to land back in Maui, my new home, and will be very happy to not see the inside of an airport or an airplane for many months! I did get to go through a lot of my stuff and managed to bring back 4 suitcases full of stuff back with me (Thanks Tammy!!!) I forgot how much stuff I have, and how much I can actually live without. I do miss all my kitchen stuff and my awesome furniture though. I have to figure out if I am going to stay on Maui long enough for it to make sense for me to ship my stuff here.
Speaking of living on Maui. I love it here. I really do. I am continually amazed at how beautiful it is here and how many fun and cool things there are to do. I feel at home here and it has been so long since I've had this feeling of contentment I almost forgot what it meant to just be. And to just be happy. It is so nice when you make a really hard decision and it turns out to be so the right thing for you. I really feel like I belong here and I love that feeling. All that being said, when I got to see my loved ones at Christmas it really made me realize how much I miss everyone! I hate that I can't jump in my car and go see my Tammy for a weekend. I miss hanging out with my Mommy and scrapbooking or shopping or just being together. I have made a ton of new friends here, many many more than I made the whole 10 years I lived in Sacramento, but none compare to my loved ones back home. I absolutely adore being Auntie Tina, or Titi, as my nephew Maddox calls me! It is truly a blessing to be here with them and with Amy and Doug.
So 2007 started off pretty crappy but it really wrapped up to be a great year. I live on an island paradise, have great friends, a good job, the most awesome roommate in the history of the universe, and a great family who loves me. I am definitely one of the blessed ones....
I can say that I have been less than impressed with the dating pool here in Maui. I am still questing to find not only that special guy... for now I would be happy with A guy!! I have found a few crushes but nothing that has turned out the way I would like... So if you are sending any thoughts my way... send some good guy vibes for me!! Not that that is anything new... I seem to have some trouble finding good guys wherever I live!
I hope everyone had a great 2007 and I wish for a wonderful, fun, prosperous, healthy 2008 for all my friends and loved ones!!
Oh... one last thing... Would you please come and visit me!! I think I'd love to see my friends and family a lot more often!!! Besides I live in Maui... it's pretty here... it's a great vacation spot. Come see me. Just do it. Book your travel plans today!! I'll even pick you up at the airport if you want. Or cook you dinner. Or something. Just come!
Love to you all!
One of the reasons I wasn't blogging is because I was working on a great big secret project. I actually planned a trip home for Christmas and I was afraid that my mom might read my blog. It's really hard to blog about life when you are trying to not let someone close to you know what is going on! So two interesting things about that... I once wrote about how I have a certain amount of bravery that I didn't know I possessed. Well folks, I am actually way braver than I ever knew. Since moving to Maui, I have noticed a certain body shape that a lot of the women around here have. It doesn't quite match mine. So I have been trying really hard to lose some weight and to get in shape. So I joined my roommate John and some of the guys from the golf course at work and we had a contest.... we called it "The Biggest Loser Kapalua Style". SO basically what happened was we all had a certain amount of weight we wanted to lose and all put in $100 dollars. Here is the brave part... I actually stepped on a scale in front of MEN!! There were 2 of them to witness my weigh in both times. It was humiliating and strangely liberating all at the same time. To make a long story short, I didn't win the competition but I did manage to lose 20 pounds. I lost 10 pounds the hard way, diet and exercise. I lost the second 10 the harder way... I did a cleanse. So for 12 days at the end of November I did not eat once ounce of food.. I drank a lemonade/maple syrup/cayenne pepper concotion that cleans impurities out of your body. It was SOOOOO hard to not eat Thanksgiving dinner!!! But I lasted 12 days and I learned a lot about myself and how not only am I brave, but I'm so much stronger than I ever give myself credit for!!
When I showed up in Boise Idaho to surprise my mom, it was great to be there 20 pounds lighter! The look on her face when I showed up was priceless! I really enjoyed a 11 day vacation seeing family and friends. I didn't so much enjoy the 8 airports in 11 days though. I was SO happy to land back in Maui, my new home, and will be very happy to not see the inside of an airport or an airplane for many months! I did get to go through a lot of my stuff and managed to bring back 4 suitcases full of stuff back with me (Thanks Tammy!!!) I forgot how much stuff I have, and how much I can actually live without. I do miss all my kitchen stuff and my awesome furniture though. I have to figure out if I am going to stay on Maui long enough for it to make sense for me to ship my stuff here.
Speaking of living on Maui. I love it here. I really do. I am continually amazed at how beautiful it is here and how many fun and cool things there are to do. I feel at home here and it has been so long since I've had this feeling of contentment I almost forgot what it meant to just be. And to just be happy. It is so nice when you make a really hard decision and it turns out to be so the right thing for you. I really feel like I belong here and I love that feeling. All that being said, when I got to see my loved ones at Christmas it really made me realize how much I miss everyone! I hate that I can't jump in my car and go see my Tammy for a weekend. I miss hanging out with my Mommy and scrapbooking or shopping or just being together. I have made a ton of new friends here, many many more than I made the whole 10 years I lived in Sacramento, but none compare to my loved ones back home. I absolutely adore being Auntie Tina, or Titi, as my nephew Maddox calls me! It is truly a blessing to be here with them and with Amy and Doug.
So 2007 started off pretty crappy but it really wrapped up to be a great year. I live on an island paradise, have great friends, a good job, the most awesome roommate in the history of the universe, and a great family who loves me. I am definitely one of the blessed ones....
I can say that I have been less than impressed with the dating pool here in Maui. I am still questing to find not only that special guy... for now I would be happy with A guy!! I have found a few crushes but nothing that has turned out the way I would like... So if you are sending any thoughts my way... send some good guy vibes for me!! Not that that is anything new... I seem to have some trouble finding good guys wherever I live!
I hope everyone had a great 2007 and I wish for a wonderful, fun, prosperous, healthy 2008 for all my friends and loved ones!!
Oh... one last thing... Would you please come and visit me!! I think I'd love to see my friends and family a lot more often!!! Besides I live in Maui... it's pretty here... it's a great vacation spot. Come see me. Just do it. Book your travel plans today!! I'll even pick you up at the airport if you want. Or cook you dinner. Or something. Just come!
Love to you all!
This post is for Stephanie
Stephanie,
Here is a new post. It's just for you. I'm so glad that you enjoy reading my blog. I really need to get off my butt and say something interesting so you have something to read. I have actually been up to many exciting things and have lots of things to say. So stay tuned. I promise an update really really soon!
Love,
Tina
Here is a new post. It's just for you. I'm so glad that you enjoy reading my blog. I really need to get off my butt and say something interesting so you have something to read. I have actually been up to many exciting things and have lots of things to say. So stay tuned. I promise an update really really soon!
Love,
Tina
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