My Interesting Day....

So few weeks ago I did a teaser post about an interesting day I had... It's kind of a long story but I wanted to share it because I need to get it off my chest! Here goes...

My Interesting Day

So it was a quiet Friday morning. Nothing too exciting going on around the office, I had my To Do list for the day that was very manageable, and most everyone else seemed to be off at meetings. There were only two of us in my office trailer so needless to say it was a very quiet day. My friend Kris had to go up on the mountain, there is an old golf course up there that we have opened to the public as walking trails. On the old course, on a hill, there are a few cell phone towers, Kris needed to go and take pictures because they are going to be moving the towers and he needed before pictures.

So he asked me if I wanted to take a little field trip and go with him. Because it was so quiet around the office and because my list of stuff to do wasn’t that big, I went with him. As we were in the car chatting, I laughingly told him that it had been a long time since I’d been on an “unauthorized” field trip. He reminded me that he had a very legitimate reason for going, and I reminded him that I was just along for the ride. We got up to the site and I found out that I had to do a little bit of hiking to get to the cell towers. Since I was wearing slippers (flip-flops) it was an interesting climb! We made it up and back down with little drama, save for the 2000 spiders we encountered and climbed back into the car. He looked at me and asked if I had to get back right away or if I wanted to take a little tour around the golf course. I was in no hurry to get back to work, so we started driving further up the mountain.

We were driving on the old cart path; I was looking out the window, enjoying the pretty scenery and just seeing what was out there. All of the sudden I notice something weird on the path way ahead of us. “Kris, what is that?” I ask him. He says “I don’t know.” I say “It looks like a person… do you think someone is just sitting in the middle of the path?” He says “I’m not sure. It does kind of look like somebody.” “Kris,” I say “Hurry up I think that is someone, they might need our help.”

At this point Kris pushes on the gas pedal and maneuvers us towards the figure lying on the path. We pull up rather suddenly and the person doesn’t move at all. “Kris, call 911 and security. Call someone, this guy needs help!” I say calmly (ok ok… I kind of scream/whine/yelled). We rush out of the car and Kris runs up to the guy “Sir, sir are you ok?!” He asks with a quivering voice. The man does not move. Kris grabs his phone and is looking for the number for security. Just then his phone rings. “Shit!” he says and then looking down he breaths a small sigh of relief. He answers the phone, “Jennifer! Call security, call 911, Tina and I are on the Village Walking Trail and we just found a guy lying on the path. We don’t think he is breathing.” I can see him listening. “No, I don’t know CPR and neither does she. Send them quick, this guy needs help.”

He looks at me and we rush back up to the guy. We are just looking at him and I am getting increasingly agitated. “Kris, we need to do something. He needs our help. I don’t know what to do!” Kris and I are standing side by side, both of us shaking, trying to come up with something brilliant, some small thing to do to help this guy. I’m staring at his chest, willing it to move, hoping against hope that he is really breathing and that maybe he is just passed out from exhaustion or something. “Kris, did his chest just move?” He squats down next to me, looking, wishing that he sees this guys chest move. I look over at Kris and say “Damn it. It’s not moving at all. I just want him to be ok. I wish I knew what to do.” Kris says “Check his pulse. See if you feel anything.” I look at him and shake my head. There is no way I can touch this guy, but I can’t just stand there and do nothing. I stand up and shivers go through my whole body. I did that little nervous dance thing I do. Kind of jump around like an idiot, trying to will the nerves away. I cautiously move towards the guy lying in front of us, I am still expecting him to pop up at any moment and get angry at us for bothering him. I reach down and tentatively take his wrist in my fingers. I push against his wrist, probing for some small sign of life. I look up at Kris “I don’t feel anything. Damn it where is Security!” We walk towards the back of the car, willing the security car to appear. I tell him to call Jennifer or security or anyone and tell them that they are taking too long. He calls Jennifer and tells her security still isn’t there and we don’t think the guy has a pulse. She patches him through to security. “Hello, Malia? Yes we are here with the guy. No we don’t think he has a pulse and security isn’t here yet.” Right at that moment we see the security car on the road below us. “Malia, we see security. Thanks.” He hangs up the phone.

Our initial moment of relief slowly turned to disbelief as we see the security car turn down the wrong path, then as we are screaming (absolutely no way he could have heard us, he was at least three quarters of a mile away) he stops and backs up, goes down another wrong path, which leads to more screaming from us. He then must see us standing on top of the hill with our arms flailing wildly, trying to get his attention because he turns up the right path and roars up the hill. He gets to our car and stops, jumps out of the car and goes around to the back to grab his gear. He asks us if we have been performing CPR on the guy, we tell him we both don’t know how. He asks if he is breathing, we say we don’t think he is. He runs up the hill and goes into action. This guy was amazing. His name is Jonah. He kneels down and puts his ear by the guys’ mouth, “I don’t hear anything; he’s not breathing.” He gets out a mouth breather thing and gives the guy some quick breaths. Then he puts his hands on his chest and does some chest compressions. Relief is not flooding through me even though I know that help is here. This is scary and I don’t even know how to feel. I break down, I start crying softly, tears just streaming down my face. We are both standing there watching Jonah who is trying to save this guys life. I reach down and put his equipment closer to him. At this point, Jonah attaches the AED to the guy. He pulls back his shirt and hooks him up to the shock pads. The AED says “Stand back from patient, do not touch patient, analyzing… No shock is advised at this time, continue CPR compressions.” Kris asks if there is anything we can do to help him. He tells Kris to go down the hill in his car and direct emergency personnel up to where we are because he had a hard time finding us. Kris gets in the car and goes down the hill. I stand there and watch Jonah doing CPR on the guy.

He does more breathing, and more chest compressions. I lost track of how many, although I do know while he was doing it, I was counting along with him, desperate to do anything that might constitute helping. Jonah was talking to the guy, urging him to breathe, urging him to hang in there. I stood by silently crying, my nose running, feeling utterly helpless. Jonah looks up at me and grabs his radio off his belt. “Can you call Malia and tell her what is going on?” I grab onto the radio like it is a lifeline. Finally something productive, something I can do instead of standing around feeling like an idiot. I key the radio, “Malia I want to advise that Jonah is performing CPR on the man, victim, guy… (ok so I wasn’t exactly eloquent, but I got my point across). Advise that the man is unresponsive and not breathing.” “10-4,” was the static response.

Jonah continues his CPR, alternating between breathing, chest compressions, and listening and waiting for the AED to find some sign of life from the guy. I really have no idea how long we were there, all at once it seemed like an eternity and a second. My whole body is shaking, quivering. I finally and truly understand the old saying about knees knocking because my knees are literally knocking. I keep glancing down the hill and finally I see an ambulance making its way up the hill. It’s funny because later everyone told me that they heard the sirens, but at that moment all I could hear was Jonah breathing hard from the exertion of trying to keep this man’s heart beating, and Jonah talking to him, urging him to hang in there. I key the radio again “Malia, I want to advise that paramedics are on scene and will be taking over for Jonah.” I hear the static voice again “10-4.”

There were two paramedics, one man and one woman. The woman moves quickly to the side of the ambulance and grabs gear from inside; she rushes up the hill and kneels down on the opposite side of the man from Jonah. He looks up at her and she tells him it’s ok to stop compressions now. He starts to remove his gear from the man’s body and she gently lays a hand on Jonah’s wrist. “Leave the AED wires there, but take that,” she says as she points to the mouth breather. As she is talking she is hooking up her bigger, more powerful machine. I just stand and stare at what they are doing. The man paramedic walks up and looks at the man lying on the ground. He bends down and grabs his right knee, looks underneath at his leg, and then slowly lowers it back down. He looks over at his colleague; she is struggling to get a reading on her machine. She moves it out of the sun, into a small patch of shade, trying to get a reading as the man paramedic walks over to look over her shoulder. They stand huddled for a moment, looking at the instrument. Finally, they both shake their heads a bit sadly.

He looks over at us and says “It’s such a shame, poor guy.” I look up at the both of them and she looks at me “I’m sorry but he has passed away. I think he has been here for a while.” I start to open my mouth, then close it again. Then I say “So what you are telling me is that he’s been dead for a while? That there isn’t anything I could have done that would have made him ok?” My voice cracks as I ask her this question, because it is the question that has been running through my head. How could I have not done anything more to help this guy? Is it my fault that he died because I didn’t know CPR? I start crying because I am so afraid she is going to say I should have done more. I am so sad that this poor man had to be here all alone and die by himself. She walks towards me like she wants to comfort me, I wrap my arms around myself at almost the same moment and she lets her hand fall to her side. “There was nothing you could have done honey. He’s been dead a while. Was he just like this when you found him, or did you see him fall?” She asks. “He was just like this; I didn’t touch him but to check his pulse. I feel like such a fucking idiot for not knowing CPR. I feel like there was something else I should have done.” I say through my tears. She assures me that there is nothing I could have done, that he was probably there for quite a while. “I think you did what you could. You helped him when he needed you.” She tells me very gently, almost afraid to upset me further. Then I say “You know you imagine these situations during your life, you think about what you are going to do if something like this ever happens to you. I always thought I would be so brave, be so noble. I thought I would spring into action and do anything and everything I could. But I was just so scared.” I know I sound somewhat hysterical, but I am overwhelmed.

I take a deep breath and try to get my crying under control. I look down at this man and just feel so incredibly sad. The poor guy was just going out for a walk, with his ipod, and I imagine him as he was walking along, he puts his hand to his chest, gets disoriented, sits down as he realizes what is happening, and then dies all alone. I imagine his family back at the hotel, waiting for him to come back, me knowing that he won’t ever be coming back and I can’t help the tears that fall down my cheeks. This poor family is about to have the worst day of their lives. I know how they feel, but at least when my grandpa died, I was there with him and my family. I just stand there staring at him, imagining all these things and tears are just falling down my cheeks and onto the pavement. I notice that he has the same shoes that I do, that his ipod looks just like mine, that his hands look weird, probably because he was in pain.

The paramedics are talking to Jonah and telling him we need to wait for the police and coroner to arrive. I almost feel like I have stepped onto the set of a CSI episode. I actually know what they are talking about because it’s just like my favorite TV show. The paramedics tell us that they are going to leave because there is nothing more that they can do for him. Jonah looks at me and starts asking me questions, we are bonded in the moment by this misfortune. We quietly talk back and forth as the paramedics gather their gear. I don’t remember what we talked about, just little things; trying to absorb the shock we are both feeling. The paramedics come back up the hill towards us to say goodbye. Right before they leave Jonah asks if they happen to have a blanket or something to cover him. He feels bad that they guys is just laying there for anyone to see. They walk back to the ambulance and grab a light blue blanket, come back and cover him up. Just as they were getting ready to leave three police cars showed up.

Three officers in uniform and one in plainclothes walk up to us. I can hear them talking about who is going to do what. The male paramedic walks down and starts talking to them, telling them that the man is dead. That he has been there for a while and there was nothing anyone could do. One of the officers walks up to me and stands to my left. He starts asking me questions, the basic ones, my name, address, phone number. Then he asks me to describe to him what happened, he lets me talk, waits through the times that I have to try to collect myself and asks questions to make sure he understands what I am saying. Telling him, someone official, someone in charge, what happened is somewhat cathartic. It makes me feel like at last I am doing something helpful. I know that I am very observant, and I know that I am giving him really good information. Even though I didn’t have a watch, I estimate the time we found him and find out later I was only three minutes off.

As I’m standing there giving the officer my statement, I watch the other officers go about the business of taking care of the man, the business of attending to his death. The plain clothes officer pulls out a camera, they take the blanket off of him, and he starts taking pictures. I know from watching CSI that they are documenting the scene. My voice quivers a bit when I see them going through his pockets, the officers attending to the man intermittently ask me questions. This exchange of information again is helpful, it is helping me to get some of my nervous energy out, allowing me to vent some of the sadness. As they look through his pockets they find his wallet. The man has a name. I do everything in my power to block out that part of the conversation; I don’t want to know his name. His death is already a part of my life, a part of my life experiences, and I don’t want to get any more personal with him than I already am. They pull out an American Express card, a receipt. They take out the bills in his wallet, one of the policemen says “Sixty, eighty, one-ten, one-nineteen.” The other officer says “One hundred nineteen dollars?” The first one replies “Yes and some change.” Next the discussion of his room key, then they roll him to his side and empty his back pockets. The put all of his possessions inside his baseball hat and take pictures. As they are doing this, his license is being handed around so everyone can fill out their forms, put all the information in the right boxes.

I finally finish giving my statement; I can’t help but wrap my arms around myself like it is cold even though it is about 80 degrees with a slight breeze. If I was here for any other reason I would be enjoying the breathtaking view, the sea in the background, the overgrown golf course in the foreground. After a while I am standing there by myself. The policemen have gone down the hill to move their cars so the ambulance can get out; it is a very narrow, one lane road and they have to back down the hill single file. It’s almost comical really. Except that it is not really a time to be laughing. I stand there, looking down at the man who has consumed every fiber of my being for the last hour and a half. This man who merely went for a morning walk and everything changed for him and his family. My heart starts to hurt again and I can only do one last thing for him. I stand there, look out at the ocean, look up at the sky, and I pray. I pray for him, I pray that his death was not as scary as it looked to be, I prayed that his family find comfort through their grief. I prayed that his life was a good life and I prayed that God watch over him as his body was moved to its final resting place and that He watch over this mans’ family as they dealt with this death.

I had done all I could to help him. In the end it wasn’t much, honestly. But I did what I could and I asked God to take care of the rest. I looked over at the plainclothes officer and asked if I could leave. He got on his phone and verified with the other officers that I wasn’t needed anymore. I started walking down the hill, towards Kris who was waiting at the bottom of the hill with the car. With a quick word back at Jonah, I walked past the man, I walked past the security car, and I walked past the patrol cars as they came back up the hill. I tried to compose myself as I walked; I tried to gather my thoughts, control my emotions before I reached Kris and the car.

As I get a few steps away from Kris he asks me if I’m ok. I say in a shaky voice “Yeah, no, I don’t know.” He opens his arms and wraps me in a hug as I struggle not to cry again. I take a step back and ask him to please take me back down the mountain. I’m ready to leave this day behind. Once we got back to the office and shared the news with all of our coworkers, our head guy came over and talked with me a little bit. He told me how sorry he was that I had to go through what I just went through. He told me that he was there to listen to me and my story and that I am welcome to talk to him. Then he told me to go home.

So I went home, straight to my sisters’ house. I walked straight in the house, up the stairs and found my 2 year old nephew watching cartoons inside. I walked straight over to him and picked him up, wrapping my arms around him, smothering his face with kisses. As he giggled and hugged me, I felt my heart hurt just a little less. He pointed to my necklace and says “Heart!! Titi Blue Heart!!” So proud of himself! I giggle and say “That’s right!! That’s Titi’s blue heart necklace.” Then I tell him that his Titi needs a hug. He wraps his little arms around me and puts his head on my shoulder. His little hand pats my back and I know that my heart will be ok.

In Memoriam....

I miss you Grandpa!!!

Little bit of catch up...

It seems like lots of stuff has been going on and I just haven't gotten a chance to write about it. I am actually working on a blog post about something that happened here recently but I just haven't gotten it all worked out yet. So keep your eyes peeled for that exciting event.

A quick little catch up...

I went to our Maui area speech contest and I did really well! It was the best speech I have given thus far in my illustrious speaking career! There were other people there that were far more talented than me, so I didn't place and qualify to go on to the next level (PHEW!) but I felt really good about my speech. I got a lot of compliments after and I'm already working on what I want to do for my next speech competition! Thanks for all your suggestions, they were very helpful! I also have some video of my speech which I will post for those of you interested enough to watch it!

I've been on a few whale watching trips, which is about the most amazing stuff you have ever seen in your life! I have a ton of pictures and some videos that when I get some time I will post as well.

Other than that, same ole same ole! Life is wonderful, Maui is beautiful!! I still miss all my family and friends from home but hope some of you will get out here sometime soon!!

Oh yeah... and I went out on a date! With a really nice guy!! I'm excited to see what might happen there!!

Hope everyone is doing well!! Love you and miss you!!